Thursday, April 16, 2009

Thursday and I Think You’re a Few Tools Short of a Tool Shed

First and foremost don’t forget to comment here and win these damn cool earrings, I will draw a winner next Thursday).  Secondly if you are up for a little bit of sharing the love go vote for me on the eco friendly upcycle Etsy page ... my little creature heart brooch is in the running.

It’s not fu*k wit Friday till tomorrow so I’m going with you’re a tool Thursday.  There’s nothing like a blog entry to get that bordering on ’psychopathic’ internal monologue rant you’ve been incubating all week out. I’m up for a bit of ‘ten things I hate about you, or anyone, or anything’ Thursday ... join me and have a wee spaz on your blog.

1.       Baby on board stickers in cars – what would you like me to do lady?  Fender bender you quietly?  Drive past and read the little messiah a nursery rhyme?  Big deal, I want a sticker that says “maccas wrapper, crow bar, 6 pens that don’t work and one that does, dog hair and tissue box onboard 

2.       People who say ‘pacifically’ not specifically.  English people, it’s what we use to talk with, try it sometime.

3.       People who stop in a thoroughfare unexpectedly and without good reason.  NO if you are in a crowded mall, in a slipstream of walking people you do not stop unless Jesus materialises before you wearing budgie smugglers and sipping a soy latte, even then I would recommend you keep moving.

4.       People who stop and stand in pairs on escalators.  WHY?  Do you suddenly lose the ability to walk up or down stairs once you step on a moving escalator, did you have a stoke?  Keep moving asshole

5.       People who say shit like “bit wet out there eh?” when you get into a lift soaking wet after getting caught in a Brisbane rain storm.  “No this is seminal fluid, I work in porn and they just coat us in this while we’re on set, yes it’s raining and it’s wet out there dick wad”

6.       When checkout chicks or checkout boys talk to you based on the contents of your shopping basket “oh having lamb for dinner tonight?  Oh and are these good?” no geek meister they taste like crap, that’s why I buy them I enjoy a bit of self flagellation and making myself eat absolutely awful food every now and then.”

7.       Bert Newton ... enough said

8.       Women who work in posh clothes store and who look at you with a mouth like a cats bum and give you the up and down.  Look skank, I earn more than you and I know how to use a computer for more than ringing up a till and using facebook.  Now I’m going to leave a lipstick smudge in the collar of that cream cashmere bolero

9.       TV Ads that feature women who love to clean and almost have an orgasm over the bleach they use to remove the poo stains from their toilet bowls, while their almost Neolithic son and husband grunt and eat meat straight from the fridge.  Yes, because all women love to clean and all men are so stupid they can’t make a sandwich?

10.   Ankle boots ... sorry I just don’t like them, how do they look good? And when?

Love this teacup with plate from Trixie Delicious

And this parking note from Wry and Ginger


drollgirl said...

your rants are spot on. except the ankle boots. they can work with pants and jeans -- and rarely with anything else.

Alyssa said...

i basically agree with your list 100%. it made my day. love your blog!

Griffin said...

Well I'm with drollgirl on ankle boots. I have a pair of burgundy velvet ones with two-inch stiletto heels so I may be a tad biased. But shoe-boots... and peep-toe boots. Utterly, pointless.

Please Hayley, please have some chocolate and cake. Nothing is worth having a heart attack over - even rain. It rained like anything yesterday and I just had to go and stand in it... looking up and watching it fall... sigh!

I'm with you on the nits who stop on escalators and block the whole thing tho'. Or who get to the top, walk off and then stop to look at their maps. Move or get moved halfwit!!

Bert Newton? With me it would be Jack Straw MP. Proof that evolution happens to other people.

PretaPawte said...

you crack me up. Today I was behind a car with a baby on board sgn and was likewhat is the point. I love your idea for a true

gemma @ loz and dinny said...

Think I'm with you on all front - esp Baby on Board stickers ... god this post made me laugh - bloody winner.

Steph Bond-Hutkin said...

Oooooh Number 8!!!! Do fancy (or hip) shop assistants go to Superiority School?

Unknown said...

O. M. G. ... another truly fabulous rant, though I did feel you were holding back a wee bit.

People who stop and S-L-O-W walkers ... I just wannna smack 'em in the back of the head ...

'pacifically' is a winner for the dead shit list as is 'axe' as in if you say 'let me axe you a question' again mofo I am gonna rip your tongue out. Oh and I also hate how the Super Nanny says 'not asseptible'.

Oh and frangipani stickers, you forgot the damn frangipani stickers. I reserve the right to run my car into those.

Jetta's Nest said...

What a lovely big rant! It's so enjoyable to see that I'm not the only person who cares about these things....oh and another thing...what's with the people who can't stay to the left when walking up stairs or even just walking around the shops? Stick to the rules people, it works for cars and it works for people too!

Alex Sunday said...

wow, your list could've been my list (except the ankle boots - i'm neither here nor there). :)

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