Wednesday, June 10, 2009

IKEA Rage and a Touch of the Old Pitter Patter

First and foremost the 'Everyone Confessed' heart brooch is off to Beach Vintage ... please wear this heart on your sleeve. This week it's another little pitter patter, ticker. It's the Giants Plate brooch and to win it all you need to do is leave a comment. Win it, tell me something nice ...

Win this ...

I was at the Young Designers Market on Sunday, it went swell ... I will be back next month. You will find me and my brooches there along with a few other BrisStyle ladies such as Hot Toffee who will also be at the Boutique market this weekend at Portside ... go check it out

Juicy Apples from Hot Toffee ... Yum

I had an IKEA day on Monday, we celebrated Lizzie's B-day at the giant blue and yellow Swedish mega mart for flat packs and furniture instructions that are just seriously fucked up. IKEA is the relationship litmus test, if you can assemble the Billy Bookcase together, use all the screws, and have none left over and still be talking to each other once it's against the wall filled with your vintage penguins ... you guys are gonna make it.

My IKEA home boy followed the arrows, pushed past large families milling about the kitchen displays, and made it to the end without popping any veins or kicking anyone in the back of the head. IKEA rage is not a one off thing ... Some guy called Farah did a whole PhD on IKEA flight or fight patterns.

"If you want to find your way out of Ikea, look behind you. Kazim found that our forward-facing vision is the key to why we all follow the windy route through the showroom. There are plenty of short cuts to allow you out, but they are always cleverly located behind you - in the direction opposite from the arrows that lead you through the showroom floor. As a result, you just don't notice them."

An New Scientist article "Locating locating locating" was about how people look for things (Lévy flight patterns rather than Brownian motion, apparently - very short steps interspersed with very long steps rather than medium length steps, which is it seems how our ancestors hunted). But it also mentioned "IKEA rage" and why shops that force you along a prescribed route can be so maddening, time-consuming and exhausting... yet also tend to result in splurge impulse buying, a reward or treat to yourself for getting there! It must be that shops like IKEA get enough benefit from the impulse buys that they are happy to deliberately frustrate their customers.

I wrote some prose for the IKEA hunter gatherer in us all ... but mostly just for the Venetian who has vowed never to return, no matter how slick that Scandinavian designed footstool may be.

IKEA it’s not even an acronym
It sounds nice if you’re Swedish
With your lyrical accent
But to me and you it’s sounds like simmering kidneys and snotty nosed kids
Arrows on the floor wind you past the bedrooms
The bathrooms, the kitchen tops and neat workspaces
Everything is sleek and slick and flat packed in China
Designed of course by Bjorn
Made by Mr Wong
For a penny less than you should have paid him
With instructions that resemble naive art
It’s minimalistic, and they allen key is free
But you’ll need to buy your own screws and a driver to screw them with
I feel screwed over
Fill me up with meatballs and Lingon sylt
And maybe I’ll forgive you
As long as we can get out of here, flight or fight
We try the Levy flight pattern
But revert back to Brownian motion out of necessity
And like bovines with a new set of wine glasses we get into the lift.


Some beautiful things that don't come home on roof racks in a cardboard box ...

from We Heart It


Griffin said...

I covered a lecture on Social Control and Ikea was mentioned. They want you to follow their pathways through so that you are exposed to as much 'temptation to buy' as possible. The sheeplike ones follow the paths... the catlike ones go where they please!

I cannot tell a lie, I went to Ikea just so I could misbehave... it worked! said...

Wow, I am so happy I won the brooch. Thanks. I will email my details through. Thanks again ever so much. Simone - Beach Vintage xx

sarah said...

Very cute brooch, and loving the pastels in the bottom pic.

Joyti said...

...Still, I like the thought behind functional a world of excess and financial inequality. Though the only IKEA item I own is a small chest of drawers that I use in my closet. The arrows are odd, and I didn't follow them when I went to buy it.

pepper said...

oh im so glad you say 'swell' just like me! They're about to start building the Ikea southern hemisphere headquarters giant thing in a suburb not far from me. eek!
ps thanks for your comment and I love your blog :)

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