Monday, June 25, 2012

The story of the black heart, Mrs Schubert and my mad-as-fu*k mother 1985

Last night for some reason Mr reread and I were talking about religion and why I disagree with so many fundamental elements of so many religions. It got me thinking about if I have ever believed in God, any type or form of 'a' god. I do remember being quite apprehensive about the whole thing for a while when I was young (we're talking under ten years here) - I remember 'praying' on a few occasions, more of an insurance policy 'just in case'.

I told Mr reread about my first experience with religion and it goes a little something like this...

It was 1985, a backwater little town named Bethanga and I was in prep. My mum, a card-carrying atheist, daughter of a chemical engineer and man of science, outlined that I was not to partake in any religious educations lessons. Apparently Mrs Shubert, an Assemblies of God woman on a mission thought that I looked like a child in need of a little guidance.

Mum discovered Mrs Schubert's extracurricular religious activities while I was sitting on the kitchen table and asked, "why do I have a black heart and the other girls have pink hearts with pearls on them". Now, I was a real a talker, a babbler and I was known to utter some absolute rot, but this, my mother thought was a bit far-fetched. 

After some gentle interrogation it was established that Mrs Schubert had approached me while I was in the school yard with my knitting nancy and had imparted some 'fear of God'.

Card-carrying atheist mother goes to principal and discusses the situation. Then she leaves, but only after her head spun around and she projectile vomited on the carpet.

Mr 1985 backwater-Principal was understanding but ultimately a little bit fucking useless - Mrs Schubert was still loitering in the school yard. Mrs Schubert also took it upon herself to call anti-christ mother harassing and asking "what happened to you as child to make you like this?" 

Queue fiery wrath of enraged mother - this is where she spider-walks, backwards down the stairs and writes a letter to the Education Minister. We never heard from Mrs Schubert again, I guess she went off somewhere to sing Kumbaya and prepare bland, starchy meals for her family whom she dressed in skivvies.  

Knitting nancy here.

From Pinterest.


Unknown said...

Hahaha! That gave me a good laugh! My brother is an atheist and would do the exact same thing for his son!!

Rach x

Kylie said...

I LOVED reading this! Very funny. Poor Mrs Schubert.
"Pink hearts with pearls on them" love it.

Ester Durães said...

oh I used to play with one of those kniting tools as a kid, I think I probably still have it at my parent's, need to look for it! :)

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